I knew dolly when she was “just” a country singer

When my dad was in his 80s, every time a beloved celebrity of his generation died, he used to say, “They’re all gone — there’s no one left.” Now that I’m approaching 80 myself, the hyperbole is starting to hit home.

The realization reminded me of March 9, 1974, the last Saturday night the Grand Ole Opry was broadcast from Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium. It was the night I met Dolly Parton backstage — in the cramped, shabby ladies room. I thought about that memorable night 50+ years ago when I learned the sad news of Dolly’s death this week at 80.

Before that night I knew her just as a glittery, buxom, blonde country singer with a memorable voice. As a 20-something dyed-in-the-wool New Yorker back then, I hadn’t grown up listening to country. I hadn’t watched her on Hee Haw because, like most city folk, I avoided the show — it was too “country.”

Of course, Dolly was never “just” anything. She was a singer with a striking reed-thin voice whose music transcended genres, a songwriter whose sensitivity and wit created hits when recorded by her and by other major artists, an engaging movie actress, a successful entrepreneur — and, perhaps most important, a generous philanthropist who did her remarkable deeds without fanfare.

I was at the Ryman as a Country Music Magazine editor/writer who had learned on the job. I had come down from New York to interview several country stars and ran into Dolly in the restroom. It was just a brief friendly meeting — she was typically bubbly and warm when I introduced myself. We had already arranged to do our interview by phone.

When we talked a few days later, I asked her about her plans — and they were characteristically big. It was just a few months after she had announced she would be leaving the Porter Wagoner Show to go out on her own. Wagoner was the one who discovered her and made her part of his duo for seven years. She was clearly grateful to him but now felt constrained because she wanted to do so much more.

Dolly wanted to also record other forms of music and with other artists. She wanted to have her own syndicated TV show. She wanted to act in movies.

It wasn’t long before Dolly started working down that list. This was no bucket list because she was never one to just tick off boxes of accomplishments. Everything Dolly did, she did with 110 percent of herself. In the process she made hit films, won numerous Grammy awards, a few Emmy awards, and several Oscar nominations, as well as myriad other honors, such as induction into the Country Music Hall of Fame as well as the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame.

While in Nashville that week, I also interviewed a number of other female country music stars about their reaction to the premise of Tammy Wynette’s recent hit Stand By Your Man. Dolly summed hers up with her usual common sense and bluntness, something like “If he ain’t standin’ by me, I’m not gonna be standin’ by him.”

In fact, Dolly was married to the same man, Carl Dean, for58 years, until his death last year. Unlike many women country stars’ spouses, who were their manager or singing partner, Dean, a contractor, was never involved in her career and shunned the spotlight.

The era’s three most widely known female country stars — Dolly, Tammy and Loretta Lynn — are all gone now. But they paved the way for contemporary female artists with a pop following, like Olivia Newton-John, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris.

Like Dolly, Loretta and Tammy came into their own after they threw off the constraints of their earlier roles in traditional duos: Conway [Twitty] and Loretta, George [Jones] and Tammy, Porter [Wagoner] and Dolly (it was always the man’s name first; never the other way around). On their own, they all proved to be strong, self-confident women stars.

While I was still working in country music, I spent a lot of time with Loretta during an all-day recording session and in her hotel room and a few hours with Tammy in a cheery hospital room during one of her periodic R&R hospital stays. I always wished I’d had more in-person time with Dolly.

Back in 1974, Dolly told me she was weary of defending/explaining her appearance: ”I look the way I do just because I like to…It bothers me when people dwell on my makeup and my wigs and all. Anything other than me as a person. I like for them to look inside of me instead of outside.”

Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock for the past 50 years knows Dolly had no need to defend anything about herself. She came to be respected, admired and loved for exactly who she was: a warm, kind, talented, generous human being. She used her talent to move people, to bring hope and joy; she used her money to bring both material comfort and sustenance to those in need; and her vision to light the future by supporting literacy.

Unlike so many figures today who are revered by millions but reviled by others, her death seemed to unite us all in grief. As the New York Times titled a 2019 article: Is There Anything We Can All Agree On? Yes, Dolly Parton.

Dolly, outspoken as she was, never talked directly about politics, although her “live and let live” attitudes were clear. She is surely the only celebrity I can imagine to be mourned by both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump.

We have lost a national treasure just when we need one the most. Rest in peace, Dolly.

And if you have a chance, try to catch the exhibit on Dolly at Nashville’s Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum through October 4. I’ve seen it — it does her justice.

Carol Offen is the author of “Country Music: The Poetry” (Ballantine Books); she was an editor at Country Music Magazine in the 1970s, and her freelance country music articles also appeared in the New York Daily News, Newsday, and other publications.

A version of this article first appeared here in the Medium publication Crow’s Feet.co