Ranking Our Stupidest Wars

      Of course, this is a stupid war. Brutal and uncalled-for and unnecessary and counter-productive. But is it the stupidest war American has ever waged?

      Maybe it is, given the Trump administration’s various continually evolving and totally unconvincing explanations of why we attacked Iran. And maybe it is, given the damage it has already inflicted on the world and our own economy, on our alliances and international reputation, on so many civilians and even on a girls’ elementary school.   

      But when we’re talking about stupid, we unfortunately have much to choose from in our bloody history.

      Some of these stupid wars we all know; many we have erased from our national memory. But that doesn’t make them any less stupid.

      In descending order of stupidity, leaving space, at the very top, for the current atrocity, here are the dumbest wars we’ve waged:

Vietnam, 1965-1973

      The quintessential fiasco. Fifty-eight thousand Americans and millions of Vietnamese dead because of how we misread a nationalist civil war as a global Cold War confrontation. The lasting image is of the final Americans being helicoptered off the roof of the embassy building in Saigon, very soon to be renamed Ho Chi Minh City.

Iraq, 2003

      The invasion we launched because Iraq had weapons of mass destruction although Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction. Followed by years of insurgency and instability and the rise of the Islamic State. The mission was not accomplished.

Afghanistan, 2001-21

      Our longest war, by far, which ended with the Afghan government we had so strongly supported with blood and treasure—2,500 military lost; more than $2 trillion spent—collapsing right after we headed out.

The Bay of Pigs, 1961

      Badly thought out, badly executed, total failure which led to the entrenchment of the Castro regime for decades.

It also inexorably led to the following year’s Cuban Missile Crisis, where only the future of the world hung in the balance.

The Russian Civil War Intervention, 1918–1920

      During the chaos after the Russian Revolution, the U.S. sent about 13,000 troops into Russia. Official goals supposedly included guarding war supplies originally sent to Russia during World War I, helping stranded Czech troops escape, and possibly supporting anti-Bolshevik forces. The mission was confusing even to the soldiers who fought skirmishes, endured brutal winters and then, nothing accomplished, came home.

The Invasion of Grenada, 1983

      We invaded a tiny Caribbean island with a population of about 100,000 with 7,000 troops—or one soldier for every 14.29 inhabitants. We did that purportedly to protect around 1,000 American medical students on the island—or approximately seven soldiers for every American medical student.

      The reality was the invasion had somewhat more to do with overthrowing a new Marxist government that might have gotten too close to the Communists in nearby Cuba.

Philippine–American War, 1899–1902

      After defeating Spain in the Spanish–American War in what we called a war of liberation from colonial rule, we took control of the Philippines and instituted colonial rule, denying liberation to the revolutionaries who had already declared independence from Spain. We remained the colonial power in the Philippines until 1946.

Mexican–American War, 1846–48

      President James K. Polk was said to deliberately have provoked the war by sending U.S. troops into disputed land because he wanted control of California and other Mexican territories. When fighting broke out, Polk lied to Congress that Mexico had “shed American blood on American soil.”

      All you need to know: Abraham Lincoln, Henry David Thoreau and Ulysses S. Grant opposed the war.

The Banana Wars, 1898–1934

      For decades the U.S. repeatedly sent Marines into Central America and the Caribbean, including the nations of Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic and Haiti. The troops were sent to protect American business interests, especially the United Fruit Company, which is why they were of course nicknamed the “Banana Wars.”

      In terms of our relationships with our hemispheric neighbors, it was indeed a slippery peel.

The “Watermelon War,” Panama, 1856

      Yes, we’ve been big on battles over fruit.

      This one started when an American traveler refused to pay five cents for a slice of watermelon from a local vendor in Panama. The argument escalated into a riot between locals and Americans, violence along the Panama transit route and ultimately the U.S. landing troops to restore order.

      About 20 people stupidly died.

We don’t know yet how many people will stupidly die from our current war.