Homeowner’s lament

      It’s the American dream—to own your own house. It was our dream. Now I’m starting to think that at a certain age, it can become an American nightmare.

      And now I’m also starting to maybe better understand why so many friends our age have recently moved from houses to apartments or to town homes or retirement communities. They’d rather live some place where they are not responsible for the upkeep—or the expense of the upkeep. Maybe they, too, have gotten tired of blowing leaves or shoveling snow or patching the driveway or draining the water heater or oiling the garage door. Or paying for someone to do it.

      Maybe they have understood, apparently much earlier than I have, the not-so-hidden meaning of that classic sociological work, “If You Give a Moose a Muffin.” It’s the sequel to that groundbreaking treatise “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” It was the wonderful children’s book we used to read to our kids all the time. We had no idea it would prove so prescient.

      In case you don’t remember, once you give the moose a muffin, he wants blackberry jam to go with it. And that leads to him wanting another muffin and another, which leads to him wanting muffin mix, which leads to him needing a new coat to go to the market, which means ultimately he’s going to need old socks so he can put on a puppet show and then he’ll need a sheet for a Halloween costume. And so on and on.

      We thought it was just a kids’ book. Ha! Instead, it’s a homeowner’s manual that holds revealing moral insights for those, like us, who have been in their houses for some time.

      Our moose-and-muffin saga started when we decided this summer for the first time in several years to get our house power-washed. But if we were going to get the house power-washed, my wife thought we should probably replace some siding that had rotted.

When the power washer came out to take a look, he noted, accurately, there was more than some siding that was rotted and we needed to get lots of rotted siding replaced before the washing could be done.  

      We got all the rotted siding replaced. It cost a good amount of money.

      Then the power washer came and he said when he power-washed and cleaned the gutters he couldn’t get all the gunk out of the rain gutters because the gutters were, as we sort of guessed, in pretty bad shape.  

      So, we had the gutter company come and they said they could repair our gutters but they were really in such bad shape, we should get new gutters. So, we got the old gutters replaced and got new gutters. It cost a good amount of money.

      While the workers were replacing the old gutters with the new ones, they found extensive damage to the fascia and soffit, whatever they are. They needed to be repaired. So we got them repaired and iIt cost a good amount of money.

      When the workers were working on installing the new rain gutters and fixing the fascia and soffit, they also noticed there were some small leaks in the roof. Nails rusting. Cracks showing. Nothing too serious, but you know.

      So, we are going to get the roof repaired. It will cost a good amount of money.

     Yeah, I know I shouldn’t complain so much, first-world problems and all that. We still have a house after all. But all we really wanted was just one little muffin.