I don't buy my grandchildren presents. Here's why

My grandchildren did not hesitate to tell me which grandma they preferred. (Yes, I asked, even though I know you're not supposed to.)  

"The other grandma," Jonah, 7, answered, right away.   "Yeah," his sister, Sasha, 4, promptly chimed in. "Grandma, in Michigan." 

The reason? (Yes, I asked.)

"You buy us nothing," Jonah answered, again without hesitation. "Not one thing."

"Nothing," Sasha concurred. 

Perhaps you suspect the problem is financial. And I realize that there are many grandparents, sadly, without the resources to shower gifts on their grandkids. Fortunately that is not my situation or the situation of the other grandparents I quote in this article.

So now you must be thinking (my friends think it too): "How horrible! You don't get your grandkids presents even though you can afford it? Why?"

My friends get theirs presents — for birthdays and holidays, including Valentine's Day — and they'll tell you their gifts consist of educational toys, classic books, quality art supplies, nifty sports equipment, useful cooking items, cute clothes and, OK, some tchotchkes too. Good stuff, right? What's wrong with that?

Nothing, except that their grandchildren, like my grandchildren, have enough toys, books, art supplies, sports equipment, cooking implements, T-shirts, hoodies and, goodness knows, tchotchkes that they can open up their own gift stores.

My grandkids can barely close their closet doors, thanks to their caché of toys. Great big plastic bins filled with still more toys are tucked under their beds. Jonah has 37 (!) stuffed animals. His sister has 27. They also have countless puzzles, books, building blocks, toy cars and trucks, dolls and Paw Patrol paraphernalia.

And probably what they have the most of are toys that can no longer be used: remote control cars without batteries, action figures without arms or heads, board games with missing pieces, sharpies devoid of tops, books with torn pages and so on. They have a plastic swimming pool they used three times, a telescope they may have used twice and butterfly nets they haven't used at all. And they've got enough clothes to dress entire classrooms of youngsters. 

My friends' grandkids are similarly overloaded. 

"There is nothing I can buy that my grandkids don't have tons of," said my friend Helene Siegel, who lived in Tenafly and today lives in Los Angeles. "Lately I keep finding out the books I just bought for my granddaughter she already has." 

My friend Deborah Wilburn of New York City wonders where in the world her three grandkids will store any more toys. "They have a whole room full of toys," she said. "Where are you even putting it?" The youngest one, she said, recently got a small grill from his parents. "The kid is never going to play with it," she said. "It's ridiculous."

Still they add to their grandkids stash — even when the kids themselves suggest they might stop (which admittedly is rare).

My friend Sarah Lang said that she and her husband, avid readers, bestow upon their grandkids what they themselves love: books. The last time they showed up with a bagful, the kids begged them, "Please, no more books."

It is not difficult to understand why grandparents give their kids' kids stuff. It makes their grandkids happy, if admittedly only for a short time. "I know it's momentary but to see their smiling faces makes me happy," Helene said.

Gifts are, I don't need to tell you, a way of showing love. And for some, gifts are a way to make up for the fact that they can't see their grandchildren often because of distance or busy schedules.  

So, do I love my grandkids less than my friends love theirs?

I'm completely smitten. And they know it. I visit them nearly every week. And we play, draw, dine-out, build, play make believe and act silly until we (usually me) tire out. I've taken them to museums, the circus, theater, the beach and for long sleepovers. But no gifts.

I'd rather put my money toward their college education than another plastic toy or frilly dress they don't need.

And as for their alleged preference for their other grandma?

I'm delighted they love her, and I know they love me.