Are you a party girl or nonparty? Were you a good girl or bad girl?

      More than 50 years ago I was on the receiving end of those questions—so their recent revival is a punch to my gut. I could hardly believe what I have been reading about Trump’s nominee to lead the Department of Defense. As the CEO of several nonprofit veterans’ organizations, this guy apparently pursued female employees, informally dividing them into “party girls” and “not party girls,” while creating a hostile, predatory environment for women employees.

     I thought as a society we had moved beyond such misogyny. I was wrong.

      In 1970, in my first few weeks as a member of the first class of women at a major university, several male students asked me that question, usually with a smirk. It felt demeaning and confusing; the implications were clear, and I responded that I wasn’t interested in partying. But I felt blindsided and it raised doubts in my mind about what expectations for women were.

      Eventually, some of the initial hostility toward women faded, and I went on to form lasting friendships with guys who were friendly, not predatory. All in all, I had a positive experience there.       Just last year, however, while a close friend and I were walking on the beach, we were approached by a guy in his 60s who asked me the same damn question.

      I did not know the guy at all; we waved at each other since we were both wearing ball caps from the same university. It was a gray November day and the beach was not crowded. We began talking about the university and our time there.

      But then he startled me by asking that question. I just looked at him in disbelief. I wanted to shout at him, what the hell is your problem or how dare you?

      What I said, instead, was, “I can’t believe you asked me that.” I shook my head in disgust, and we moved away from his group, which included two women. Later, I wished I’d been more assertive and read him the riot act. Even so, I’m not sure it would have had any effect.

      All my life, I have believed that many men don’t think this way or at least would not voice it openly. Over the years I’ve worked in several heavily male-dominated fields, and only occasionally experienced unwanted comments or attention. When I did, I was able to shut it down or avoid the person.

      Maybe I was just fortunate.

      Now, I wonder if I’ve been naïve all these years—or too hopeful. Because those comments and questions remind me all over again that misogyny is alive and even re-energized, as young men vote for Trump and follow people like Joe Rogan and other proponents of patriarchy.

       Fifty years later, it appears, we have to fight the same damn fight again. And we will.