The Continuing Weirdness of English

      Let's face it—English is a crazy language, as noted previously by Neil Offen. After all, there is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

      And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So, one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?

      And then there’s pronunciation. Let me just add the following to the already stated difficulties of learning English. Here is some English weirdness in pronunciation which can't be explained, but poor foreigners have to suffer with it:
      - The bandage was wound around the wound.
      - The farm was used to produce produce.
      - The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

      - We must polish the Polish furniture.
      - He could lead if he would get the lead out.
      - The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
      - Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
      - A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
      - When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
      - I did not object to the object.
     - The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

      - There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
      - They were too close to the door to close it.
      - The buck does funny things when the does are present.
      - A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
      - To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
      - The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.
      - Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
      - I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
      - How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

      As I learned from an email that circulated around years ago, English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

      And why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?