Perplexed

Written By Neil Offen

As I approach my ninth decade, and, supposedly, increased wisdom, there are still things I just don’t understand.

  • I don’t understand pineapple on pizza.

  • I don’t understand Barry Manilow.

  • I don’t understand how Donald Trump could have once been our president.
    I don’t understand daylight savings time.

  • I don’t understand how to pronounce correctly the Greek word for thanks.

  • I don’t understand why so many people are suddenly gluten intolerant.

  • I don’t understand how, four years ago, 74 million people voted for a man who would foment an insurrection.

  • I don’t understand very, very hot chili peppers.

  • I don’t understand the lyrics to most hip hop songs.

  • I don’t understand string theory.

  • I don’t understand why people would ever choose to ride roller coasters.

  • I don’t understand the rules for offsides in soccer.

  • I don’t understand what OPS+ is in baseball.

  • I don’t understand how in hell we could have elected Donald Trump President of the United States again.

Neil Offen

Neil Offen, one of the editors of this site, is the author of Building a Better Boomer, a hilarious guide to how baby boomers can better see, hear, exercise, eat, sleep and retire better. He has been a humor columnist for four decades and on two continents. A longtime journalist, he’s also been a sports reporter, a newspaper and magazine editor, a radio newsman, written a nationally syndicated funny comic strip and been published in a variety of formats, including pen, crayon, chalk and, once, under duress, his wife’s eyebrow pencil. The author or co-author of more than a dozen books, he is, as well, the man behind several critically acclaimed supermarket shopping lists. He lives in Carrboro, North Carolina.

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