Sign up for an online dating service if you’re single. First, carefully build your online dating profile, being sure to use a photo taken back when your hair was still black and your stomach still flat, if it ever was. (But probably don’t use the one where you’re wearing the bright green polyester leisure suit.)

In your bio, mention your Olympic gold medal and your Purple Heart. And just remember that if you feel slightly awkward about your embellishments, the individuals you meet online will almost assuredly not really look like the picture they used and also may not have won multiple Nobel Peace Prizes.