anatomy of a Fall

The other morning, I fell.

Isn’t that what a lot of people our age now do? Up to 35 percent of those over 65 experience a significant fall every year, according to studies. It’s nearly 45 percent among adults over the age of 70. Every year, three million older adults are treated in emergency departments for injuries related to falling. It is the most common cause of injuries among older adults.

Those injuries include stuff like hip fractures or traumatic brain damage. And the really bad news is that there’s a direct correlation between falls and increased mortality and what medical people call reduced functionality.

My fall didn’t take place at home. It was not caused by a loose rug. I wasn’t getting out of the shower. This fall was not traumatic nor did it lead to serious injury. I didn’t have to go to the ER. And, to be honest, it wasn’t a big deal.

In fact, my fall now seems to me to be almost a badge of honor.

I fell while jogging.

I fell because I was active, not clumsy or ungainly.  

On the middle school track where I was running, I hit a bump or a divot or a crack in the track and stumbled. I thought, for a very brief moment, that I could maintain my balance and continue running.

I couldn’t.

I stumbled to the ground, bloodying my knee a little and scraping an elbow and cutting up a bit the palms of both hands that had instinctively tried to break the fall.

Bent a finger a little, too.

But I got up quickly and walked briskly away. I got in the car, trailing a little blood, and drove home. I showered and got all the blood off me and sprayed the knee and elbow with antiseptic and my wife put a couple of band-aids on the elbow.

And that was, pretty much, it. No hip fracture. No broken wrist. No brain damaged for life. No trip to the emergency room. No needing PT or being too stiff to stand or walk

The fall, rather than reducing my mortality and limiting my functionality, actually was sort of encouraging. I fell and survived. I fell and was healthy enough that it was no big deal.

I was pissed at myself for falling—why didn’t I see that bump/divot/crack?—but I was pleased I could walk away from it, only a bit damaged but really ok.

Because I’m also old enough in addition to being healthy enough, I was reminded of a long-ago Timex watch ad, narrated by John Cameron Swayze (remember him?): the watch that takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

I’m still ticking.

Two days later, I ran again. And didn’t fall once.

Neil Offen

Neil Offen, one of the editors of this site, is the author of Building a Better Boomer, a hilarious guide to how baby boomers can better see, hear, exercise, eat, sleep and retire better. He has been a humor columnist for four decades and on two continents. A longtime journalist, he’s also been a sports reporter, a newspaper and magazine editor, a radio newsman, written a nationally syndicated funny comic strip and been published in a variety of formats, including pen, crayon, chalk and, once, under duress, his wife’s eyebrow pencil. The author or co-author of more than a dozen books, he is, as well, the man behind several critically acclaimed supermarket shopping lists. He lives in Carrboro, North Carolina.

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