On the need for a Tom Lehrer

      We could use a Tom Lehrer—probably the cleverest composer of satirical political songs this country has produced—right about now.

      One not having, to date, arrived, perhaps we might at least revisit the work of Tom Lehrer, himself, who will turn 97 next month.

      He was, you may recall, a Ph.D. student in mathematics at Harvard, who recorded a few albums in the 1950s and 1960s. Lehrer wrote the songs solo, sang the songs solo, and mostly accompanied them with some lively solo piano—which made for a particularly tight words-music-performance fit.

      His songs were wont to skewer just about everything in sight, but with a special emphasis on American policy in those days when, while the US government professed to be on the side of democracy, it often took it too far:

When someone makes a move

Of which we don't approve,

Who is it that always intervenes?

U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess,

But first Send the Marines!

Image the skewerings a Lehrer could contribute now when the leader of the United States does not even pretend to be on the side of democracy.

      Tom Lehrer’s moment back then did not last that long. And besides teaching math and musical theater with great verve and intelligence, he did not do a whole lot else that was notable. Nor did Lehrer ever finish that Ph.D.

      Nonetheless, those of us old enough to have come upon the songs of Tom Lehrer in their natural habitat—the 1950s and 1960s—would be wise not to admit to not having been a fan.

      For his songs on those few albums were about as witty, jovial, insightful and nasty as it is possible for songs to be. And, if you’ll forgive me:

 With the possible exception of Cole Porter,

 I doubt you ever will,

Exact replica or sorta

 Encounter a rhymester with such wit and skill.

      Some examples:

• This is from Tom Lehrer’s “We Will All Go Together When We Go”—an ode to the atom bomb. (Lehrer was not fond of nuclear weapons.)

And we will all go together when we go.

Ev'ry Hottenhot and ev'ry Eskimo.

When the air becomes uranious,

We will all go simultaneous.

•      Here Lehrer’s subject is venereal disease:

I got it from Agnes

She got it from Jim

We all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him

Now, she got it from Harry, who got it from Marie  

And everybody knows that Marie ---- Got it from me!

•      And this song by Tom Lehrer—not of the milquetoast school of liberalism—features a characteristically nihilistic celebration of “National Brotherhood Week”:

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,

And the Catholics hate the Protestants,

And the Hindus hate the Moslems,

And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week,

National Brotherhood Week,

It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.

Be nice to people who

Are inferior to you.

      Who would want to be accused of failing to appreciate that?

      Lehrer, off stage, was usually too self-effacing to be a good subject for a profile. But Ben Smith and Anita Badejo had a good go at it in BuzzFeed on the occasion of Lehrer’s 86th birthday.

      That he is now just a few years short of 100 is a testament, perhaps, to the health benefits of not overtaxing your talent.

      Lehrer long ago—short on both descendants and selfishness—bequeathed all his songs to the public domain. So do feel free to enjoy!  

      And I thought it might be useful to plumb his oeuvre for something that might help us get through the second Trump administration.

      Here’s some relatively late Lehrer, from 1992’s “Deep DooDoo”:

People keep givin’ me the same old pitch:

“If you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?”

I’ve heard that all my life, and I know it by heart.

And to tell the truth, I wish I knew,

But, America, I’m askin’ you:

If you’re so rich......why ain’t you smart?

      And finally—should you feel strong enough to handle it—I’ve plucked from the public domain Tom Lehrer on the subject of old marriages, “When You Are Old and Gray”:

Lehrer included on his website an extra verse he had added later to that song, an addition with which I believe Lehrer set the world’s record for number of words worked into a rhyme (albeit with two different rhythms);

        And finally—for your next couples dinner party—you’ll find on this album Tom Lehrer at the piano singing “When You Are Old and Gray.”